I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Randomize
