If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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