I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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