Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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