I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
