so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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