He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
