But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
In the future we'll all be gay
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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