My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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