Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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