Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
