Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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