I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
