the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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