Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
