I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
