when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
