2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
