he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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