dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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