Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
