My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
