I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
This house was built for laser tag.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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