so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
My liver just had a heart attack.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
