I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
