i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
