So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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