Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Randomize
