I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
