Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
