why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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