a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
