I am in a vortex of obligation.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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