I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
