Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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