I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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