when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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