Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
