dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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