How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Randomize
