put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
