I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize