good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I intend to get homeless drunk
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I need water and some morals
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
