Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I'm bleeding and have questions
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
