Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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