You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
