never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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