Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
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