Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
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They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize