Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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