I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
