Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
