Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
