We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
