I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
