its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize