I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
