Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
