But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
what day is it and did you see me today?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
