This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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