Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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