I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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