Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
