We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
