please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize