Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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