you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
