end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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