I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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