waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
