my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
