I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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