Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Randomize
