I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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