I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
