Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
